I now know who I am

First off, the people who say that you can´t buy happiness have never eaten acaí because you can buy acaí, and acaí and happiness are pretty much the same thing! ;D

Also, if you want to be the Sister Missionariess' ANGEL, show up at their house one night with toilet paper and chocolate. Also, always offer rides for them and ESPECIALLY their investigators!!!! THEY WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER!

Also, I´m addicted to feeling the Spirit. Like, really addicted....

This week I learned a LOT!!!! And guess what....I found a part of who I am. Let me explain:

 

Ever since...forever, I´ve been a rather insecure person. In my values and testimony-ROCK SOLID, but in respects to who I am, I´ve always lacked confidence and surety. I remember that when I went to BYU, I felt very lost because the things that I had used to identify myself  were the same things that EVERYONE ELSE there had.  As the time passed, I became more confident and sure in other respects, but the Lord never lets us get comfortable. 

 

One year and 2 and a half months ago, I arrived in Brasil as a missionary of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Even though I was wearing my name and the name of my Savior on my front every single day, I had never felt so, so , sooooooooooooooooo lost and useless. At the beginning, I struggled a lot because I wanted so badly to help people, to teach, to serve, to be a comfort, but I felt so incapacitated not being able to speak my own language and express myself. I also found that I could help people through healing hugs and singing, but still, I felt like I didn´t know who I was. 

 

I remember one day during my training, I was having difficulty making contacts and teaching without becoming super nervous and shy, and my trainer, Sister Bastos, trying to help me told me, "Just be yourself! Be who you are!" That was the last straw. I broke down crying in the middle of the road, "But I DON´T EVEN KNOW who I am anymore! I lost everything when I came here!!! I just don´t know!" 

The time passed, and I learned how to speak, how to teach, how to joke around, laugh, and be my happy self again, but still....I wasn´t sure who I was. I always change myself to agradar [please] my comps, teach more like that other missionary who "taught better". I was always changing little things. For sure change is good, and God puts people  in our lives to help us change and be better, but what I was doing was too much, and for the wrong reasons. 

When I hit 9 months in the mission, I was called as Sister Training Leader, and I haven't stopped yet. The Lord called me to teach me, and teach me He did. I started going on exchanges every week with sisters, calling them a few times a week to follow up, see how they were doing and just be their friends. I started to see how the Lord was using me to teach the Sisters and help them with their problems and worries. It AMAZED me! I never though I was capable to help in such a way, but the Lord knew better. I learned that humility is having confidence- the confidence that without the Lord we are nothing, but that with Him, He can do miracles through us. 

Finally, this week, we had to do an emergency exchange with 2 sisters that are having a boat load of problems. President himself asked for it, so we did it. The sisters got REALLY MAD and even called President to ask WHY they had to do it. I was scared....really scared....the sister I was going to work with has the same amount of time on the mission as me, is older that me, and she herself tells everyone that she is prideful. Last exchange she burnt my comp to a crisp with awful feedback (yes, my incredible comp that is one of the most incredible missionaries I´ve ever seen!). I was super scared, BUT I prayed a lot and decided that I was just going to be happy! 

 

She burnt me right off at the start about how she didn´t want to be here, it was unnecessary, and all, and I just listened, and then bore my testimony that President receives revelation for our missions and that today was going to be a great day. We did some practices together and then we went out. I talked with her  the whole stinking day.....for the first 2/3 of the day, she didn´t respond to me or look at me, and only I made contacts in the road, taught, EVERYTHING, but I kept talking to her, commenting on how the sky was beautiful, how the Lord was blessing us, yes, everything was falling through, but at least we´re learning, and when I wasn´t talking, I was singing....primary songs...in english! (hahah! coitada dela!!!![Poor her!])

At the end of the exchange, I gave the feedback to her and expressed my confidence in her and her work and her ability to help her comp. Then...her turn to give me feedback...the moment I was dreading......and..... ..... ..... ...... nothing.....she appreciated the exchange.....I asked about what I could do better and.....nothing....she didn´t have anything to give me....LIKE WHA?!??!?!?! Como assim?!?!?! 

 

She told me that I had a very SWEET SPIRIT (the EXACT same words that another sister said just one day before in the feedback and what I've heard my whole mission), and that I bring a peace with me that helps others. Then she opened up for about 40 minutes about everything that has been happening in her mission. I was blown away. 

I finally learned who I am. I have a sweet spirit. Everyone was telling me to burn her to bits on this exchange, but I prayed and didn't feel like that was right. The Lord gave me a different technique. I now know who I am. I have a sweet spirit, and I don´t have to change to be able to quebrar pernas or queimar [break legs or burn others]. The Lord uses me in a different way. He gives us strength to do His work, and He always inspires us. A  few transfers ago, I felt that impression that to have the confidence I wanted, I needed to develop my relationship with my Savior, and the confidence will come. 

 

Now I know who I am. I am Sister Little, a daughter of God and missionary of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I have my humble confidence. And you can too. 

Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.

25  For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.

Matthew 16:24-25